I'm just say'n - It's one of those days.

I've been so busy the past few weeks. Other than the events at work though, I cannot even tell you what I've been busy doing. It is a shame really.

Because I love Fall. I love the temperatures, I love the colors, I love Halloween and Thanksgiving. I love pumpkin flavored breads, cookies, cakes and pies. Oh and the pumpkin pie Blizzards at Dairy Queen are just awesome.

I've always dreamt of the things I would do with my kids in Fall. Taking walks, choosing Halloween costumes, baking, going to pumpkin patches, having campfires, craft shows ~ well you get the picture.

We don't do those things. We don't do anything. Everything we do seems to be hurried and a hassle. There really isn't much enjoyment in the process or any memory being made. Unless you count the memory of aggravation and stress over how to afford whatever it is that you want to go do.

Quite frankly, I'm sick of it. I know Diva is sick of it too. Her friends all go shopping on Saturdays and they go here and there, so when she calls them they aren't around. It just echos the fact that she is around and not here or there.

Normally, I would say that you can stay home and still enjoy things but you see we have Boy Child. This makes things not normal. If you want to watch a movie, he is pushing or poking. If you want to play the Wii he is hitting or grabbing. If you want to play outside he is throwing or chasing you with something to hit you with. So, you couple those antics with the response from Diva ~ you know the screaming and oh yeah the screaming, and did I mention the screaming ~ you get aggravation and sometimes disgust with it all.

Boy Child is really starting to get sick of not having any friends. He says it all the time, but yet he just won't learn the lessons that he needs to in order to make friends. It's quite a quandary because he is at a special school for kids with behavior and emotional problems and he is surrounded with kids who act just like him. Part of me is saying that it is a good thing for him to see how it feels to be on the receiving end of his behavior but then we worry that he will think that this is the norm, what school is really like. I'm on the fence with that because he doesn't like those kids at school very much because they act the way they do and he wants to be around the kids who don't act that way. Yet for a kindergarten boy who is working at the third/fourth grade level academically you would think he would be smart enough to understand the differences and adapt. He knows, I know he knows. He just won't keep his hands to himself.

We so desperately want to start doing things as a family. I want to go downtown and hang out at Station Square or at the Point. I want to go to a Pirates game - yeah I know they suck but at least when I cannot pay attention to the game because I'm tending to Boy Child I won't be missing anything. We want to go on a vacation - like actually get on an airplane and go to a hotel vacation.

But mostly, I'd really like to just enjoy watching my kids doing whatever it is they enjoy doing. Together, as a family. I'd love to watch Boy Child play a sport or something. It would be nice for all of us together to go to Diva's softball games.

I have so much envy when I read the other mom blogs who get to "do things" - they have play dates, and dinners, and fun stuff. If I want to "do things" it would take a great deal of organization and chaos and aggravation before I even get out the door, then I would be so consumed with what was going to go wrong that I would never enjoy it, that's if I can even get out the door without a stomach ache.

So when these kind of days hit me, I try to find the zen in the day and what is going right and what is good. Like today, my kids had way more moments of not getting along but when they did it was sweet. Diva read to Boy Child for 30 minutes today. They sat in the same chair and were sweet to one another for 30 minutes. There was no screaming, not hitting, no punching, no anything. That was a miracle. I'll take it. It keeps me going. Enjoy your day!

No comments: