Wow, the reality of it all.

I have been blessed with a wonderful opportunity to see what life is like for a stay at home mom.  I originally looked at this opportunity as a death sentance.  I'm not sure why I felt that way.  My entire life I had only dreamed of being one thing.  While I often dabbled with the ideas of becoming a marine biologist (and yes still kick myself for not pursuing that one because I so wanted to work at Sea World) or becoming a nurse (I guess that is why all of the jobs I have had centered around either medicine or research) - I always came back to wanting to be a stay at home mom. 

The things I always wanted to do with my kids was endless.  I say kids because I always thought I wanted 4-6 of the rascals.  That seems really funny to me now.  I had always dreamt of baking with my kids, playing Play-Doh with my kids, going for long walks with my kids, lemonade stands, camping with my kids, enjoying the park with my kids, reading with my kids, snuggling with my kids - you get the picture.  I wanted to be the "homeroom mom" and the PTA mom.  The cool mom!  I wanted to plan and organize school events. I wanted to be "that" house in the neighborhood that the kids seemed to always flock to.  

I wanted this so badly that I let myself down.  I made a really bad choice when I was 20. You see I'm the type of gal that believes that "love" can overcome any obstacle.  If you love someone all things in life are possible.  I spent 8 years of precious life learning a lesson the hard way.  Some people in life can be very, very ugly and deceitful and those people can come in disguise.  I was very fortunate that I made it through and have a new start.  Some people are not that strong.  I've learned that I am strong.

So at 28 I was not interested any longer in the college thing.  Although I did go and start to take some pre-requisite classes and finished them with a 4.0, but I realized that I wasn't into 4 or more years of college just to begin a new career at 32ish.  I was afraid I'd be too old to start a family then.  That is when I met my Husband.

We had dreams of me being a stay at home mom before we were even married. The reality of it was that after we were married I got pregnant and I took a whopping 5 weeks off before I went back to work full-time.  You can say oh at least you had the 5 weeks to enjoy your new baby but during those five weeks I had two weeks of complications of childbirth, my mother-in-law passed away, we had a major fire in a rental property we owned, a husband who worked 10 hour days and no family support to turn to. So those 5 weeks were a whirl-wind for me. The next 4 years everything stayed pretty much the same insane pace and then along came my son. If you a blog follower you know the story with him and why I'm home now as a stay at home mom.

Now that I'm smacked upside the head with the stay at home mom thing, I have another chance to make it right. I didn't bargain for the circumstances that brought me here but I'm so very grateful that my Husband's job is doing so well right now that my having to quit work is not a complete hardship on our family.  I'm hoping to get my mind right and start to become more organized.  This is not as easy as SAHM's make it out to be.  I thought that after 60 days I'd be 10 pound lighter, the piles in my corners would be smaller, my floors would be cleaner and the laundry would be less.  Not so.  I do have a tan for the first time in many many years though!

With school approaching, I'm looking forward to August being another whirl wind month of squeezing everything in.  Then once I have some time other than the less than 3 minutes it takes to pee, I'll be able to get a grip on my organizational skills, my exercise routine, and home cooked meals.  Hmmmm.  What will be nice this year is that I will be home when my kids get off the school bus - they will not have to wake up at 6am and wait for me to pick them up from daycare at 6pm.  We won't have to squeeze homework and dinner in before bedtime because there are CCD classes, softball, school activites, etc. to do after school.  We will have time to breath.  There will still be those activities but we will have 2 hours of a headstart this year. 

So I'm looking at the blessings of this new transition. I'm trying to retrain my mind from a working mom. I'm trying to not feel so useless if I haven't finished the chores I set out to or the dinner is not a full-course meal because my kids want to go swimming with their mom.  I'm trying to see it from their eyes that mom is here with them - not at work - they are not at a daycare this summer - they are home, sleeping in and getting some of mom's attention. 

Life is good!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I've recently started doing the SAHM thing myself. Not exactly by choice, and not permanently. But I thought the same things. I would get soooo much done and my house would be perfect. Not even close. But I have enjoyed the extra time with my kids and wouldn't trade that for anything.