It has been some time since I've sat and written a blog post. It has been hard for me to collect my thoughts enough to put them in writing. I'm still struggling. Even BlogHer has decided to drop me.
The last 4 months have been extremely difficult for me and my family. We have been hit hard financially and with the holidays and birthdays and just the usual school and tween necessities we have really been struggling. I have not been posting my usual stuff because quite frankly I just haven't been in the mood. I've lost why I started all this to begin with. I figured if I couldn't find anything positive to say it was best to just say nothing at all. But what is a shame though is that there have been some positive moments but the stress leading up to the events have marred the experiences for me. I'm just really blah. Perhaps I should've been blogging and maybe my mood would have been lifted.
We have been through hard times before. It hasn't been all that long ago that we lost everything and went bankrupt so really this should be a walk in the park for us. Still literally living day to day is just the pits. We will get through this - I know this for a fact. We always survive and rebound. I love my husband. I'd just like to finally stay on an even keel for a while.
I've been applying for jobs and signed up with two different temp agencies. The problem is that I'm starting at the bottom of the ladder again and $10-12 hour is just not enough money for me to pay for daycare, gas in the car, etc. Seriously. I'm at such a dilemma with this. I want to help out the family financially but it will be for nothing. If all I'm doing is paying daycare then where is the plus in this? I also have to think about whether or not it will help my son or hurt my son's progress he has made over the last 18 months of me being home with him and helping him with his needs. Will it socially put him in more settings to interact - yes. Will it stress him - I don't know. Will he get thrown out again and I'm back to square one - I don't know? He wants to go to summer camp to play and have fun but will he want to do that 5 days a week for 9-10 hour days? Can he handle it? Is it fair to an employer to train me and then in a few weeks everything falls apart with my kid and I have to leave? Aaaaaaaahhhhh!
Funny how one week can make such a difference in someones life - for the better or for the worse. Well, I did find a job last week and I start tomorrow. It isn't downtown and it has free parking. It is through a temp agency but it is a temp to hire position and I really hope that it works out because this company seems like a great place to work. I found a daycare that is reasonable for after school care and the YMCA is on the way to this job so it looks like that would be the way to go for summer camp for Boy Child. Everything seems to be falling into place with organizing for this job. What is that I see? -- Could it be a ray of hope? Yep you betcha. Boy Child is excited to be able to play with some kids after school. I just have to have faith he can handle it. I guess it is a good thing that the job is first as a temp, just in case my baby has problems.
Fingers crossed!! Better days ahead!